I had to know myself before I knew what I wanted in a life partner. In my mind my ideal mate was 6’5, dark chocolate, hazel eyes, dimples, beautiful smile, chiseled with a 6 pack; hardworking, loving, understanding of my long hours and schedule, great cook, sweet, romantic, caring. All the things you hope your husband will be. I basically wanted a perfect man. But then one day I came to my senses and realized if I wanted a perfect partner, I would have to remain single and married to Jesus because he is the only perfect human to grace this earth. So I lowered my height requirements to 6’3 which Ryan barely met at 6’3….LOL, and I decided a chiseled body was not all that important. In just dropping those little things, I gained my perfect life partner. Perfect for me in every way. Loving, caring, gentle, sweet, sexy, funny and a beautiful heart. I don’t know if you have ever been there, where you look at other girls and wonder what it is that they have that makes them loved by their men and you are struggling in that department. I never thought it was possible to be so loved and spoiled and now I see it every waking moment of my life.
As a transplant surgery fellow I am on call like all the time, and there are nights I can get called more than ten times. Ryan is a light sleeper and he wakes up at 4:30 am for work everyday, but he never complains. He never complains the days I don’t come home but offers to bring me food or whatever I need. He does all the house work, cleaning, laundry, groceries, cooking, taking care of the kids; makes sure I have gas in the car and does little things to make my life easier. He sets up my coffee by the coffee maker every morning and makes sure I have an endless supply of lactaid milk and gold fish. So for my single ladies waiting for that perfect man, I urge you to not judge a book by its cover because you may be missing out on the greatest gift.
I have the privilege of being the daughter of the most wonderful man. My parents were married for 40 years, until my mom’s death. I grew up with the greatest example of how a man should treat his wife and family. My parents loved each other unapologetically and each went out of their way for each other. My mom never had to gas her own car because that was one of the things my dad did every Sunday in preparation for the week. My mom cooked a bunch of vegan meals and put them in the freezer before she died so my dad would not have trouble once she was gone. They had a remarkable friendship and they were a great example to us and our community. Often times couples would come to our house for counselling and I used to eavesdrop on their sessions from the thin walls of my bedroom. I learnt very early on that it took effort to make a marriage great, but somehow I always ended up in relationships that were not good for me. I was broken and attracted broken people and it was a vicious cycle of unhealthy relationships. I did not value myself and somewhere in my subconscious I did not feel I deserved that kind of unadulterated love.
Love is a choice and everyday we choose each other. Relationships need to be cared for and tended to in order to grow. Ryan always puts so much effort into our marriage and he has taught me what true unconditional love is. My heart is so full of love and joy that I look at my past failed marriages and realize that partly they failed because I didn’t know who I was and in turn what I wanted. Because of him I have forgotten the heartbreaks of the past. I love our life and there is no place I would rather be than home with him and our kids. Ok, the operating room is a close second. I hope I can be like the Proverbs 31 woman in verse 11 and 12. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.